Extra Sausage
by IberisGalloway
Summary: Wherein Tony is a babysitter and Loki is the pizza delivery guy. This could only spell P-O-R-N. Or that's what Tony thinks, anyways.


**Author's Note**: Hey guys! Guess whose back?

Okay, I am not really "back" since all my major WIPs are on hold but turns out there is no better escape from reality than writing some soul-satisfying fluff. Therefore, occasionally I will post one or two one-shots that I will write to drudge myself from the dreary life.

* * *

Tony checks the clock and its a little past 8. The kids have been sent to bed after much coercion and he feels like he can finally take a breather. In fact, he may even reward himself with a little beer from the fridge.

He heads to the kitchen and doesn't find one. Dammit!

The parents of the kids had said they wouldn't be back till midnight so he's still got plenty of time.

Maybe, he will reward himself with some Pizza instead. Yeah, he will do that. He remembers the mother had scribbled some numbers for him on the kitchen board for him to call if he had any troubles. He finds the number for a local pizza store there as well.

He calls the number on the kitchen board and within 5 minutes he has made his order and now he has to wait for half an hour.

He falls on the couch and turns on the television, not too loud though because doesn't want the little terrors to wake up.

Around half an hour of watching a rerun of Jersey Shore, which he has no idea why he is watching, the doorbell rings and he shoots out of his seat.

He spies the scooter with stacks of pizza parked in the driveway from the window and grabbing his purse, he opens the door.

"You ordered a large pepperoni with extra sausage?"The delivery boy asks boredly, in an accented voice and Tony's eyes rove up from the pizza box to the speaker. The boy looks about his own age, with long raven black hair, slightly wavy and falling over his pale face in a risqué manner. He is a bit pale but judging from the accent, aren't all English boys pasty?

The boy doesn't fall under his typical type but another look-over and Tony begins to appreciate the beauty there and maybe he has a new type now. A small smirk makes its way to Tony's face as he checks the delivery guy from head to toe once again. Definitely his time…maybe a little thin but otherwise, his type. And, in the back of his mind a very cliché babysitter and the pizza man porn plays, fully equipped with cheesy(excuse the pun)lines like "It comes with extra sausage".

Tony opens his mouth to say something but he is interrupted by the same bored voice, "And please refrain from making any jokes about extra sausage. You are not the only one to have ever thought of that joke not are you the only one to use it. Your totals have come to 13.99 and please pay in cash."

"How? What?"Tony splutters.

The pizza guy sighs and he is tired of calling him the pizza guy in his head so he checks the nametag and it says "Loki". That's a weird enough name to remember, Tony thinks to himself.

"Look Loki, I don't-"

"Cash", Loki sounds impatient and okay Tony isn't horny enough to actually take someone's sass at the moment plus with the kids sleeping just a floor above, the whole thing is very impractical.

"Alright, geez."He huffs out pays 15 dollars. "Keep the change."

Loki's bored expression hasn't changed when he pockets the money. In fact, he looks like he is about to dump the pizza on the floor if Tony does not take it off his hand soon. So, with a saviour complex, Tony takes the pizza and with a last attempt to flirt, tries to ask for Loki's number but Loki pulls the door handle and closes the door on him and Tony blinks processing the situation.

Standing still on the spot, Tony opens the box and picks a slice of hot pizza. Chewing on the string of cheese, he decides he very much likes the pizza.

'But the service could do some polishing with.' He thinks. And with that in mind, he saves the number on his cell phone for _Odin & Odinsons pizzeria_.

* * *

Before Tony left for college, no one told him how essential it would be for him to learn to cook. So, the attempt to make some pasta results in burned and blackened tomato sauce that sets the fire alarm of his apartment off. Finally, he manages to turn the annoying beep of the alarm off by driving off most of the smoke outside through the window.

At the end, he has nothing to eat. Its 1:54 AM in the morning and the Chinese he usually orders closes by midnight. He curses under his breath. There are some things in the fridge that Bruce, his roommate has stocked but he doesn't want to risk it twice in the same night.

He goes through his contact list to see if he has the number for any food takeout joints. He comes up _Odin & Odinsons pizzeria_ and it must be a sign form the heavens because his stomach growls. He rings the place and hopes that it's a 24 hours service.

It is. He orders meat lovers with extra everything. When he hangs up, he remembers the last employee from the place to deliver his pizza. He cannot wait to see who they send this time.

But of course, as luck has it, it's the same guy.

"Hey! It's you!"Tony exclaims excitedly when he answers the door.

The other teen does not look very enthused; in fact Tony can sweat he hears the other mutter something under his breath before giving him a tight lipped smile.

"I know you!"Tony says, not deterred by the disinterest. "Remember me?"

"I highly doubt it. I deliver a minimum of 50 pizzas on a given day and remembering everyone is a chore. And I doubt you remember me either." The pizza guy sasses back.

"Of course, I do! Your name is-"Shit, Tony mentally curses because he doesn't remember. He tries to glance at the name tag but the little bastard has covered it up, as if knowing that is where Tony would look. And from the smirk on his face, he probably does. Now, all Tony's memory can serve him with is that it was a weird ass name.

"Can't chit chat. Your total is 18.20 dollars. Please pay in cash." And doesn't that give Tony déjà vu.

Tony grumbles and pulls out two crumbled 10 dollar bills. The guy removes his hand from the nametag and LOKI! His name is Loki. Now, he remembers. Not that it helps him now. He waits for Loki to close the door like their previous encounter but instead Loki seems to deadpan in the most disgusted voice. "Thank you for choosing _Odin & Odinsons_. And cheese enjoy your pizza." He then puts up two thumbs up and it looks like the forced thing Tony has ever witnessed and Tony cannot help but laugh and ask "What the hell was that?"

"Friendlier customer service." Loki says, and he sound a little annoyed and Tony gets the impression the guy hates his job. Well, to be fair if he had to say that to every customer, he would start to dislike his job too. Not that he has a job. And then as expected, Loki pulls the handle and closes the door.

Well, Tony decides. He may actually order more pizza from them after all. After all, their meat lovers is unhealthily delicious.

* * *

This time, when Tony half heartedly tries to cook curry from the online recipe he can't make head or tail of so he isn't really surprised when all he only ends up with is a disgusting looking muck. He decides to dump it without even tasting it because the smell itself is foul. He turns on the exhaust fan and lets the smell be driven away.

He doesn't want to go hungry for lunch so he decides to order the pizza from his new favourite place. This time he orders their spinach and cheese pizza because Bruce had said something about eating healthy. Spinach is definitely healthy. Also, he plans to go through their extensive menu by the end of the semester and with his lack of culinary skills, he just might.

Of course hoping that Loki-he remembers the name this time-would deliver to him for 3rd time in a row was too much to ask for so when the door opens and it's a short, slightly chubby Asian girl holding his pizza and bottle of coke, he tries not to be too disappointed.

"that will be 18.50, please" The girl, whose tag reads "Sumi" perkily says and after his encounters with Loki, such perkiness from his 'favourite' pizzeria feels weird.

She patiently waits for him to pay and even tries to make small talk, and _actually_ says "Thank you for choosing Odin & Odinsons. And cheese enjoy your pizza!" with more enthusiasm than the person who came up with the line thought could be used. He pays her quickly and closes the door himself.

The spinach and bacon pizza is actually pretty good but he feels it lacks a certain sarcastic and bored British delivery guy.

* * *

Of course that turns out to be the only time someone other than Loki delivers to him. Okay, there is this one time a huge blond-who is probably on steroids-delivers his pizza but it's only ever Loki. And just because Tony got rejected the first time around or the second does not mean Tony does flirt with Loki whenever he can.

"So, you are telling me you have never actually had sex with hot milfs or babysitters?"Tony asks, as he counts his change.

Loki sighs and only answers "You watch a lot of unimaginative porn, I assume."

"Hey! It takes a lot of creativity to write those lines, okay!" Tony gasps in mock indignation.

"Yes, because the lines like "_oh fill me with that hot rod sausage of yours, you stud_" and "_I really like the extra sausage my pizza came with_" are a sign of literary genius." Loki says, as he mimics each quote with breathy sigh.

Tony just smirks, "Looks like I am not the only one watching the unimaginative porn"

Loki gapes, his mouth closes and opens like a fish. Tony laughs only to shut up when his door slams shut on him but resumes laughing even harder when he hears Loki stomp loudly down the stairs.

* * *

Over the course of the following months, Odin & Odinsons become a god send. He orders far too much pizza and coke, a point his "favourite" pizza delivery boy makes one day.

"A disgustingly cholesterol loaded smoked chicken and ham pizza with everything else that will probably kill you too." Loki says in his usual tone but Tony knows that this tone is far friendlier than one he was first subjected to. Tony will go as far as to say, Loki and him are probably friends by now with the amount of times they see each other.

"And, really I cannot say it's not going to that belly of yours." Loki says as he hands over the pizza and pokes at Tony's stomach, over the wife-beater. Well, Tony never said they were great friends.

"Hey!"Tony jumps back, glaring at Loki with a pout. Loki smirks back.

They remain that way for while.

Loki opens his mouth to clearly speak but Tony cuts him off,

"Your total is 19.20 and please pay in cash" Tony says snottily, mimicking Loki's British accent very badly.

Loki bursts out laughing. "That is the worst British accent I have heard in my life."

"That is how you talk!"Tony says indignantly, reverting back to his own speech. He hands over his money while balancing the pizza with one hand.

Loki takes it and as the final line goes, they both end up simultaneously saying, "Thank you for choosing Odin & Odinsons and CHEESE enjoy your pizza" in each other's accent.

* * *

It's Friday night and contrary to popular belief, Tony is not always painting the town red. He is actually watching the rerun of Breaking Bad with his roommate, Bruce, who correct to popular belief does tend to stay in most of the time or at the lab.

Halfway through they are bored. Of course, nothing is playing that they haven't already watched. They decide to watch whatever movie is available on demand. Don't ask them how but they end up on some chick flick with the lead actor that looks a little too similar to Bruce. Tony does not stop the teasing and he probably won't stop anytime soon either.

The doorbell rings and both of their ears perk up.

"That must be the pizza."Tony says. "Be a dear and get that will you?"

Bruce simply rolls his eyes but grabbing Tony's wallet from the table, he heads to the door.

When he opens the door someone is already speaking. "Not that I am not concerned nor is it bad for the business but you order a little too much pizza."

Bruce blinks at the delivery guy, "Pardon?"

"Oh."Loki sounds surprised and therefore ends up stating the obvious. "You are not Tony Stark."

"No, I am-"Bruce tries to say but Tony's loud yelling interrupts him

"Bruciiiiieeeee, my cuddle muffin! Whats taking you so long? He just found out that she can be woken up with true love's kiss and I think he is going to kiss her! Bruce darling, you are missing out!" Bruce looks embarrassed and Bruce notices the pizza guy has a strange look on his face. The look vanishes before Bruce can make much of it though.

"No, I am Bruce." He manages to say as he takes over the pizza and hands a 50 dollar bill.

"Date?"Loki asks nonchalantly, handing him his change and Bruce raises an eyebrow but before he can answer, he is again interrupted by Tony and his theatrics, "Bruce, my love, I am not a patient man. Pay the dude. I miss my cuddle bear!"

"Thank you for choosing Odin & Odinsons and cheese enjoy your pizza." Said in the most menacingly tone is the last thing Bruce hears before the Loki turns away.

Bruce shrugs, a little unsure about what just happened before he shuts the door.

* * *

"So, I was thinking our porn movie title could be something like **Pizzaman delivers extra thick**-" Tony says even before opening the door because he had checked through the peep hole and it is Loki. Otherwise, this would be entirely too awkward. However when he sees the look on Loki's face, Tony immediately shuts up.

Tony gets immediately confused because Tony teases Loki about making a porno all the time and Loki mostly huffs trying to hide his amusement or on rare occasion even supply some porn titles of his own. But the look Tony gets today is dull and filled with boredom, it's something Tony hasn't seen since probably the first time he saw Loki; and even that look was friendlier to the glare he is receiving now.

Tony wants to ask what's wrong but Loki is already shoving the pizza box towards him with a scowl.

"Hey wha-"

"That will be 17.80."Loki grits through his teeth and when Tony hands him a 20 dollar bill, Loki all but snatches it and pretty much throws the change at him.

"Hey! Whats the big idea!?"Tony exclaims as the penny hits him on his chest but Loki is already turning away.

"Next time, if you want to flirt with someone make sure that you aren't already seeing someone!"Loki shouts as he turns the corner and disappears.

Tony stares back in confusion, pizza in hand and fallen money on ground. He blinks a few times before he turns around and back kicks the door shut.

"I heard yelling. What happened?" Bruce asks, walking to the living room, eyes for the pizza but also slight curiosity.

"I don't know man. Loki just flipped out at me for not being single…"Tony says, raising a confused eyebrow. "And last time I checked, I was single…"

"Loki?"Bruce asks, peering through his glasses. He would look intelligent if not for the string of cheese that comes attached with the bite of pizza he too. "Who is Loki?"

"He is the guy who delivers my pizza."Tony says as he stares at his pizza in confusion.

"Sort of wavy, shoulder length black hair. Looks a bit demented?"Bruce asks and Tony nods in affirmation.

"Yeah, the guy is a bit weird. He thought we were having a date on Friday but then again you weren't going easy with the nicknames." Bruce says fondly but then hurriedly asks, "Tony, where are you going? Its night! Tony! You can't just run off!"

But of course, Tony does run off because he has been so stupid. He can put 2 and 2 together and get the result 4 but if he isn't even given the numbers, its hard to do the math so now he runs downstairs as fast as he can but of course, the little scooter that Loki delivers his pizza in, is nowhere in sight.

Tony places his hand on his knee and pants for air. He has an idea and it's the only idea he has so it better fucking work.

* * *

Tony has never stepped inside Odin & Odinsons he realises the moment he pushes the glass door in and enters. The place does say its "open" but the interior already has most of its chair upturned and placed over tables. Speaking of interior, Tony is so thankful for the tasty pizzas because otherwise, the interior design of the place is surely not getting them their customers. The wallpaper is some gaudy golden colour and the floors are rainbow. Actual shimmering rainbow. But tony doesn't focus on the interior and instead runs to the first employee he sees at the counter.

"Hey! I need a favour!"He says and the brunette at the counter whose name tag says "Darcy" looks up from the cash register but just lets him continue."Okay, this is going to sound so ridiculous but I actually need to find Loki. Loki is he here? Is he back?"

"Loki Odinson?" Darcy asks, raising a neat eyebrow.

"Do you have any other employees called Loki?"Tony winces as he asks, because goddamit he actually doesn't know Loki's full name but with a name like that, it should be enough right?

Uh...wrong.

"We actually don't have any employees with name at all." She says and Tony deflates further but that cannot be…unless some ghost was delivering his pizzas…

"But if you are looking for a Loki Odinson then he is the owner's youngest son."She adds and Tony looks even more confused.

"Does he deliver pizzas?"He asks slowly because maybe the owner likes to work his kids at the family shop, perhaps?

"Sometimes."She says vaguely, shrugging. "Mr. Odin's preferred choice of punishment for his son is apparently making him interact with customers and I can't tell you who suffers more by that, Loki or the business."

That kinda sounds like Loki so Tony tries a shot.

"Does this Loki have dark hair and green eyes?"

"Yuppp! And maybe some daddy issues too." Then as if realising what she just said, quickly adds "which could be a horse load of bullshit since people just love a good gossip, you know? But who are you and why are you looking for him?"

"My name's Tony Stark and-"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! **_YOU_** ARE TONY STARK! OH EM GEE! "She shouts and her voice is loud enough for him to wince a little especially when it echoes throughout the empty restaurant. And with the ruckus, the remaining employees come running in and ask if Darcy is alright but she seems to only have eyes for Tony. She looks at him with wide eyes and then in a less loud voice, shouts, "Guys! THIS is Tony Stark! Guys guys! This is Sumi's recipient that Loki stole!"

"Wait what? Loki stole what?" Tony asks befuddled as most of the employees now look at him with keen interest.

Darcy actually rolls her eyes and then begins to explain. "Dude, you live on the east block, right? And that is basically Sumi's route" she points at the chubby Asian girl that looks vaguely familiar. "But every time you place an order, Loki always comes swooping in and grabs your pizza and delivers it himself."

"Isn't that his job? To deliver pizzas?"Tony asks hesitantly

And Darcy rolls her eyes, "It's not his job. It's his punishment. It's the equivalent of being grounded for a month for him and no he doesn't deliver pizzas as in plural but he only delivers _your_ pizza!"Darcy says and then with a grin she adds, "Dude! You are famous here! We even have a bet going on how long it will take for Loki to admit he has a crush!"

Tony stupidly grins, okay this loud mouthed brunette could just be spewing self made rubbish but he so happily eats it up and he only grins wider as he says, "well then, I think I will need a little help"

And from the possibly giddy expression on Darcy's face he can see that it will be no problem.

* * *

Tony knocks on the door once, and then he knocks on it twice.

According to Darcy this is Loki's address but he is not really sure now because no one is answering. He then hears footsteps and a disgruntled shout of, "Oh for god's sake! Its middle of the night!"

And the door is almost yanked out of its hinges by the force it is opened with. Tony cannot help but smile as he takes a good look at the sleepy Loki in blue cotton pyjamas and a baggy T-Shirt.

"I bought Pizza with extra sausage". Tony says, and Loki's eyes widen in surprise before narrowing suspiciously but he remains silent.

"Uh…"Tony begins, and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Bruce and I are not dating."

Loki remains silent and Tony continues.

"Bruce and I are best friends and if you must know, I am still single and I wasn't only messing with you."Tony adds.

Loki still does not say anything but he silently takes the peace offering and Tony suspects there may be a mile to Loki's face or it could just be the trick of lighting.

Loki opens the box and peers at it confusedly. He finally speaks. "Uh, are you sure you grabbed the right pizza because this is an all veggie pizza."

"Yeah, Darcy mentioned you were a vegetarian"

"Then why did you say you brought pizza with extra sausage?" Loki asks, raises an eyebrow at Stark.

And now, Tony looks a cross between embarrassment and smugness as he grins at Loki, who peers at him and then his eyes widen in understanding as his eyes drops down to Tony's crotch.

"Oh." Loki whispers, mouth shaping into an 'o' and tony takes the control of the situation as he leans forward and seductively whispers, "Are you gonna let me in?"

Loki simply steps back and allows Tony inside and together they enter inside, pizza box tucked under Loki's arm and just as the door closes on them, Loki finally gains his senses and smacks Tony on the head.

"That must literally be the worst pick up line in history."Loki says, rolling his eyes.

"It worked though didn't it?"Tony says, goofily grinning at Loki and Loki again rolls his eyes. They stare at each other a moment and then break out into shy smiles as they shuffle their feet.

"Umm-"Tony starts and Loki says, "Fuck it!" before grabbing Tony's jaw and kissing him. It only takes a second for Tony to catch on and he when he does, he is totally with the programme.

And what happens after that that night, is just between them and the author will write no more!

* * *

Please review :) and if you have a twitter, follow me shezzaxual


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